September has a quiet magic about it. The air feels fresher, the days begin to soften, and there’s that back-to-school energy — even for adults. It’s a natural moment for reflection, a chance to reset and ask: How do I want the rest of my year to feel?

One of the simplest but most powerful ways to make that reset is to notice the language you use with yourself — especially one little word that does a lot of heavy lifting: should.

The Weight of “Should”

When we say, “I should go to the gym,” “I should be more organised,” or “I should be over this by now,” we’re not just making a to-do list. We’re also slipping in a judgment.

“Should” often carries an unspoken message that we’re falling short, that we’re not quite good enough as we are. It’s sneaky, because it sounds like motivation — but really, “should” tends to pile on pressure rather than inspire action. Instead of energising us, it can trigger guilt, shame, or resentment.

The Freedom of “Could”

Here’s where a simple swap can work wonders: replacing “should” with could.

• “I could go to the gym.”
• “I could organise my workspace.”
• “I could take some time to process what happened.”

See the difference? “Could” opens up a choice. It says, “This is an option for me,” instead of, “This is an obligation I’ve already failed at.” It makes space for curiosity and flexibility — both of which are essential for genuine change.

Why September Is the Perfect Time for This

January gets all the attention for goal setting, but September often feels more achievable. The pace of summer slows, routines start to return, and there’s a gentle sense of possibility in the air.

That makes it the perfect time to refresh your mindset and notice how your words shape your experience. By making this small shift in language now, you can carry it into the months ahead and finish the year with more kindness and less self-criticism.

How to Start Your “Should-to-Could” Reset

1. Listen for your “shoulds.” Spend a day noticing when you use the word “should” — whether out loud or in your own head.
2. Swap it in real time. Each time you hear a “should,” rephrase it with “could” and see how it feels.
3. Check your motivation. Ask yourself: Do I want to do this? Will it serve me right now?
4. Give yourself permission. Sometimes, “could” will help you choose action. Other times, it will help you realise it’s okay to rest or let something go.

This September, give yourself the gift of choice.

Stop “should-ing” on yourself. Start “could-ing” on yourself. And see how much lighter the rest of the year can feel.

If this resonates with you and you’d like support in exploring your thoughts and feelings, please get in touch to arrange a counselling session.